Friday, March 16, 2007

New Minister of Propaganda Appointed

Ave Maria will have a new Minister of Propaganda, says Supreme Dictator Tom Monaghan. After a search that lasted "for months, much longer than I'd anticipated," Monaghan appointed none other than Channel 4 News Anchor Ron Burgundy to the post. Burgundy, pictured below, is quite a catch for the law school.



"He's assured me that he's kind of a big deal, and that he has many leatherbound books," quipped a giddy Monaghan. Burgundy will also prove a valuable addition to the Opus Dei Ninjas, given his high level of accomplishment in street fights, and his impeccable sense of style.

Burgundy refused to comment on the rumor that Brick Tamland would be appointed as "Special Advisor" to Dean Dobranski, citing a particular need for confidentiality in that area.
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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 16, 2007 at 7:32 PM

    Uh, Bernie? You just killed a guy with a trident.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 17, 2007 at 11:13 AM

    DOBRANSKI: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this Ave Town project, Tom. You're a member of the Board of Governors of the Ave Maria School of Law.
    SONNE: That's a given.
    DOBRANSKI: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an Ave Town apartment together.
    MILHIZER: Take it easy, Bernie. Why don't you stop talking for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 18, 2007 at 12:18 PM

    MONAGHAN: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Tom Monaghan knows, it's Catholic higher education.

    DOBRANSKI: I don't know, Tom.

    MONAGHAN: Guess what, I do. I know that one day this school will flourish in Immokalee, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then the students will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 18, 2007 at 3:57 PM

    SAFRANEK: [angry] What do you love?
    DOBRANSKI: I love poetry, a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Eugene here
    SAFRANEK: Well now, guess what? This is happening

    [Grabs Milhizer]

    DOBRANSKI: Excuse me...excuse me, what are you doing?

    [Safranek punts Milhizer]

    SAFRANEK: That's how I roll.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 18, 2007 at 4:00 PM

    To continue...

    DOBRANSKI: I love...Florida.
    [pause]
    DOBRANSKI: I love...Opus Dei.
    MILHIZER: Bernie, are you just looking at things in the Ave Town brochure and saying that you love them?
    DOBRANSKI: I love Ave Town.
    MILHIZER: Do you really love Ave Town or are you just saying it because Monaghan told you to?
    DOBRANSKI: I love Ave Town. I love Ave Town!

    ReplyDelete