In a press release this morning, Chief Iwonabuck of the Collier County Tribe of Seminole Indians announced the construction of a new religious-themed casino just outside of Ave Maria Town. "We're very excited to begin this project," said Iwonabuck, "with the religious rebirth of the Greater Naples area, along with the popularity of gambling among retired persons, we think there will be great interest in the Holy Roller."

Construction on the project is expected to be completed by Spring, 2008, and when completed, will look something like the model shown below.




Once inside, guests will be treated to a fully religious experience. From the poker chips (replicas of communion wafers) to the Blazing 666s slot machines (below),





to the Confessional just off the main casino floor (below), the Seminole tribe has vowed that no detail will be missed.









Although Supreme Overlord Tom Monaghan and Chief Yes-Man and Dean Bernie Dobranski were unavailable for comment due to complications with the ABA investigation, Associate Dean Milhizer claimed that "the infidel swines will not succeed in their efforts to thwart our Lord's master plan. Are you going to eat that last donut?"


In spite of the protests of Ave Maria officials, Chief Iwonabuck is already planning for the rush from nearby retirement communities. "We've bought extra oxygen tanks and everything, " he said. "And the retirement communities are already planning shuttles for every 10 minutes. We're just ecstatic."

The Holy Roller will also feature a song and dance show with an Inquisition theme. Shows are already sold out through 2015, but Iwonabuck insists that aggressive play at the tables will result in comps, including the highly sought after tickets.


So make your plans, Florida residents, because the Holy Roller is headed your way!

With plenty of good space still available in Ave Town, our beloved Supreme Chancellor, Tom Monaghan, has taken the unprecented step of selling real estate himself. Below is a new advertisement to be placed in Naples area newspapers and real estate journals in the next week. Here's hoping that Lord Monaghan's efforts will result in even greater success for Ave Town!

Well, hello there.

This is your friendly, neighborhood, anonymous IT staff here to ensure that The Real Transition Team is going to experience a Blogger cosmetic change as easy as, well....moving to Florida.

In lieu of appointing a comittee to take down individual responses to this change, The Real Transition Team has decided, in a moment of dictatorial brilliance, to simply change the layout. Its that simple. And, as always, opinions and commments are welcomed, but only the favorable ones will be acknowledged. We are, after all, a product of AMSOL ingenuity.

That said, take a deep breath, enjoy browsing and keep your cursor on the "Refresh" button. We're working on it. I promise.

/s/ Deus Ex: Invisible IT

Just a friendly word of warning from the Transition Team. It has come to Our attention that, in spite of the glorious decree of the Almighty Monaghan, there remain a small group of people in the Ave community who resist the move to scenic Immokalee. To those dissenters, be warned: Nobody expects the Ave Inquisition, and it can be upon you faster than you could ever imagine.

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms!

The matter of exactly how AMSOL faculty will be either moved, or replaced during this all important time of transition has not been overlooked by the real transition team. While certain faculty members do not wish to hop onto the good ship octogenarian III and travel south, said faculty are in the process of being replaced. It is our fervent hope, as a dedicated and energetic real transition team that these faculty replacements will be every bit as educated, dignified, and published as the real thing.

We are pleased to announce the replacement for Ann Arbor AMSOL’s own professor Safranek, who, by some loathsome combination of reason and dedication to his students has expressed an unwillingness to hop embrace Mr. Monogram’s ideal of Ole Imokalee. His replacement, pictured below from a lecture given to 1L’s on how to balance their workload, comes with a great list of credentials; he specializes in distance learning and thus can be made simultaneously available to the remaining students at Ave North. In his interview he expressed a great interest in molding young minds, and has promised to use his intellectual prowess to be the best replacement possible for the dissident professor.

We are very well convinced that his penchant for bowties and engaging demeanor will provide a lasting and complete substitution for Professor Safranek, who, notwithstanding his pivotal role in establishing the Ave of yore, has failed recognize the Divine Right of Tom Monoghan. Mr Herman however, was more than willing to fall down onto bended knee and kiss the Sacred Noid Ring in a sign of filial devotion. As a commemoration of his loyalty, he will soon bear The Mark (a fairly painless brand on the back of the neck shaped like a pepperoni Pizza) when inducted into Ave South faculty, and forever swear allegiance to Mr. Monoghan, and his faithful steward, Bernie. So fear not beloved students, despite faculty unwillingness to move, replacements are already being sought out, trained and installed.

/s/ Cap'n Crunch

Ave Maria will have a new Minister of Propaganda, says Supreme Dictator Tom Monaghan. After a search that lasted "for months, much longer than I'd anticipated," Monaghan appointed none other than Channel 4 News Anchor Ron Burgundy to the post. Burgundy, pictured below, is quite a catch for the law school.



"He's assured me that he's kind of a big deal, and that he has many leatherbound books," quipped a giddy Monaghan. Burgundy will also prove a valuable addition to the Opus Dei Ninjas, given his high level of accomplishment in street fights, and his impeccable sense of style.

Burgundy refused to comment on the rumor that Brick Tamland would be appointed as "Special Advisor" to Dean Dobranski, citing a particular need for confidentiality in that area.