Monaghan has "just the trick" for Affirmative Injury

With college football season right around the corner, and affirmative injury to the Mission of the School at an all-time high, the benevolent and far-seeing Monaghan has seen fit to decree that Ave Maria University in Ave Maria Town, Florida—the Biggest Little Catholic Stronghold in America—in its continuing effort to be the best in everything, including intercollegiate athletics, will have no fewer than SIX fight songs, where most schools only have one or two. "This ought to do just the trick," quipped Monaghan. "Who can be angry when a fight song is playing?"

Additionally, Mr. Monaghan, with his divine foresight, has decided to appropriate these songs from six of the most successful and well-loved schools in the country, under the belief that such an action will undoubtedly take the wind out of the sails of these ruffians in the upcoming season.

So, without further adieu, the lyrics of the new Ave fight songs (preceded by the old, outdated lyrics with links to their former bands playing the songs for your listening pleasure.

Notre Dame
Notre Dame Victory March

Rally sons of Notre Dame,

Sing her glory, and sound her fame

Raise her Gold and Blue,

And cheer with voices true,

Rah! Rah! For Notre Dame.

We will fight in every game

Strong of heart and true to her name.

We will ne'er forget her

And we'll cheer her ever,

Loyal to Notre Dame.

Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame

Wake up the echoes cheering her name,

Send the volley cheer on high,

Shake down the thunder from the sky,

What though the odds be great or small

Old Notre Dame will win over all,

While her loyal sons are marching

Onward to Victory.

Ave Town Victory Song

Followers of Monaghan
Come to Ave, come get a tan!
With a hearty crew
We’ll cheer with voices true,
Rah! Rah! For Ave U

We will do what Tom decrees
Weak of mind and strong in the knees!
We’ll ask questions never
Dissidents we’ll sever
Loyal to Ave U

Cheer, cheer for Tom Monaghan
Get him a beer and call him the man
Buy a place in Ave Town
Sip on some Kool-Aid, you’ll never frown!
Be there dissenters, many or few
Ol’ Monaghan will take care of you!
While his loyal pawns are marching
Onward to Victory!

Ohio State

"Across the Field"

Fight the team across the field

Show them Ohio's here,

Set the earth reverberating

With a mighty cheer, Rah! Rah! Rah!

Hit them hard and see how they fall,

Never let that team get the ball,

Hail, hail, the gang's all here,

So let's win that old conference now.

Across the Country

Take the road to Ave Town
And Monaghan revere
He is such a brilliant man
That we should stand and cheer,
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Deep dish, thin crust, he has it all,
And for just a toll-free phone call!
Hail, hail, it’s Domino’s
That’ll pay for the Ave Town.


Fight On
USC

Fight On for ol' SC

Our men Fight On to victory

Our Alma Mater dear,looks up to you

Fight On and win

For ol' SC

Fight On to victory

Fight On!

Fight On

Fight On for Monaghan
The minions trust his Master Plan
Now tenure’s out of here!
We trust in you
Fight on and win
For Ave U
Fight on, there’s much to do
Fight On!

Michigan
The Victors

Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
the leaders and best

Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
the champions of the West!

The Minions

Hail! To the loyal minions
Hell with the damned dissenters
Hail! Hail! To Monaghan
The leader and best

Hail! to the loyal minions
Hell! with the damned dissenters
Hail! Hail! To Monaghan
The man dressed to impress!

Texas
The Eyes of Texas

The eyes of Texas are upon you,
All the live long day.
The eyes of Texas are upon you,
You cannot get away.
Do not think you can escape them,
At night, or early in the morn'.
The eyes of Texas are upon you,
'Till Gabriel blows his horn!

The Eyes of Monaghan

They eyes of Monaghan are on you
All the live long day.
The eyes of Monaghan are on you
You cannot get away
Do not think you can escape them
At night or early in the morn’
The eyes of Monaghan are on you
‘Till he discovers porn!

Texas A&M
Aggie War Hymn

Good bye to Texas University

So long to the orange and the white

Good luck to dear old Texas Aggies

They are the boys who show the real old fight

'the eyes of Texas are upon you'

That is the song they sing so well

Sounds Like Hell

So good bye to Texas University

We're gonna beat you all to Chigaroogarem

Chigaroogarem

Rough, Tough, Real stuff, Texas A&M

Ave Road Hymn

Goodbye to Ol’ Ann Arbor, Michigan
So long to culture, art and all of that
Good luck to Ave University
They are the boys who show some loyalty
Four seasons there to confront you
That is the life they love so well
Snows like Hell!
So goodbye to Ol’ Ann Arbor, Michigan
We’re gonna hit the swamp right near the Everglades
Near the Everglades
Rough, Tough, Real stuff, Tommy Monaghan