As the spring semester winds down, many around Domin--I mean, Ave have noticed that the registration for the Fall semester has yet to begin. Word from on high has it that this is due solely to the fact that Bernie is hard at work coming up with new classes to ensure that Ave stays atop the Fourth Tier and continues to churn out high-quality, mind-numbed attorneys.

Bernie has reportedly reiterated that this is not due to the fact that we will have no professors at Ave in the Fall and that employees from local pizza parlors will instead be teaching our classes. Sources from inside the Admin Wing have leaked a list of preliminary courses for the Fall:

"The Law and Toast" This three hour course will cover all the topics of toast and the law, including the baking of bread, the toasting of bread, and the all-important question of how to get your toast to land butter-side up if it should fall.

"Alligator Rights" A two hour course in animal rights and the protections surrounding one of Florida's most misunderstood creatures.

"Swamp Reclamation and the Law"This three hour offering is a subset of real estate law and will discuss the legal ramifications of acquiring Florida's most misunderstood land and turning it into a paradise on earth.

"Particle Board: Is it a board or is it particles? The Legal Ramifications" This two hour course will introduce students to the finer points of lumber law and give them a firm understanding in the field.

"Seminar: Jonestown, The Misunderstood City" With special guest instructor Tom Monaghan.

"Unemployment Law" This three hour course will teach potential lawyers the ins and outs of filling out unemployment paperwork, unemployment benefits, and also provide "re-training" in another field to become useful members of society.