Liturgical Dance Squad Selected: Congregation Eagerly Awaits First “Lambada” Mass
Posted by The Real Transition Team at 11:00 PM
The annoucement that the Oratory’s Grand Opening Gala Mass would be choreographed by the popular liturgical dance squad, 'Dancing Divas of Club Esqualita' has met with mixed reactions from the (future) citizens of Ave Maria, Florida.
“Let’s be honest,” insists Lou Finknottle of Imolkee, “The Bionic Brothers of Boogie' were so much better. I highly doubt these new 'Dancing Divas of what-have-you' will be able to get ME to boogy down during the sign of peace!
Chauncey Fuch, owner of Fuch IT and Graphic Design was indignant. “I can’t believe our tax dollars are being used to fund such low-budget acts!” he sniffed. “Does anybody even know who these dancers are? I mean, the least our good mayor could do would be to hire someone famous like Mick Jagger. The people deserve that, you know?”
Chauncey’s wife Minerva was unavailable for comment.
Nevertheless, certain individuals remain optimistic. “I’m looking forward to these new liturgical dancers” said Fr. Michael Orsi of Ave Maria School of Law. "I think they’ll bring something, you know, fresh to the Mass scene."
Ave Maria’s mayor Thomas Monaghan continues to reassure citizens that this new transition will be just as smooth as all the others. “You won’t even notice the change,” he promised in a press conference held Thursday. “A number of faculty members of the AMSOL staff have agreed to fly down to Florida to fill in until 'Club Esqualita' can take over.”
Names of volunteering faculty members were kept confidential, but rumors are flying.
“Professor Falvey has the best dance moves,” remarked an anonymous 1L, “but I think they’ll probably go with Frohnen.” Both faculty members declined to comment.
Meanwhile, the opening Mass remains scheduled for May 1st. A full house is expected. Due to projected shortages, audience members Mass attendees are encouraged to bring their own fog machines.
A Worship comment card will be available for those wishing to offer feedback on the event.
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