Ave Maria will have a new Minister of Propaganda, says Supreme Dictator Tom Monaghan. After a search that lasted "for months, much longer than I'd anticipated," Monaghan appointed none other than Channel 4 News Anchor Ron Burgundy to the post. Burgundy, pictured below, is quite a catch for the law school.
"He's assured me that he's kind of a big deal, and that he has many leatherbound books," quipped a giddy Monaghan. Burgundy will also prove a valuable addition to the Opus Dei Ninjas, given his high level of accomplishment in street fights, and his impeccable sense of style.
Burgundy refused to comment on the rumor that Brick Tamland would be appointed as "Special Advisor" to Dean Dobranski, citing a particular need for confidentiality in that area.
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- The Real Transition Team
- We formed on March 14, 2007, inspired by that day's performance of Barron Collier stock. Our forbear, the Monaghan & Sons Snowshoe Co. Transition Team (also to Florida) organized in October 1929. We will make AMSOL's trip to Immolakee free from pornography and the LittleCaesar's/HungryHowie's/PizzaHut axis. Thus we have reserved only those non-HBO motels outside axis delivery zones. For the AMSOL elite our trio of black helicopters can re-pizza midflight directly from Domino One.
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SONNE: That's a given.
DOBRANSKI: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an Ave Town apartment together.
MILHIZER: Take it easy, Bernie. Why don't you stop talking for a while.
DOBRANSKI: I don't know, Tom.
MONAGHAN: Guess what, I do. I know that one day this school will flourish in Immokalee, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then the students will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited!
DOBRANSKI: I love poetry, a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Eugene here
SAFRANEK: Well now, guess what? This is happening
[Grabs Milhizer]
DOBRANSKI: Excuse me...excuse me, what are you doing?
[Safranek punts Milhizer]
SAFRANEK: That's how I roll.
DOBRANSKI: I love...Florida.
[pause]
DOBRANSKI: I love...Opus Dei.
MILHIZER: Bernie, are you just looking at things in the Ave Town brochure and saying that you love them?
DOBRANSKI: I love Ave Town.
MILHIZER: Do you really love Ave Town or are you just saying it because Monaghan told you to?
DOBRANSKI: I love Ave Town. I love Ave Town!